


defenceless

by harryisqueen



Series: walls [3]
Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Miscommunication, Song: Defenceless (Louis Tomlinson), Toni Topaz Needs a Hug, Toni's parents are mentioned in passing, Vulnerability, as is an original male character, insecure Toni
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:48:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26514724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harryisqueen/pseuds/harryisqueen
Summary: Never been so defencelessYou just keep on buidlin' up your fencesBut I've never been so defencelessor Toni & Cheryl both have high walls and trouble letting people in expressed through Louis Tomlinson's song Defenceless
Relationships: Cheryl Blossom/Toni Topaz
Series: walls [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1926490
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	defenceless

**Author's Note:**

> Figured I should put this at the very beginning; STREAM WALLS BY LOUIS TOMLINSON (And his singles ;))

_I come running to you like a moth into a flame_

_You tell me take it easy but it's easier to say_

Toni was totally enamoured by Cheryl Blossom.

She couldn’t help it.

She knew the reputation the other girl had but she didn’t really mind.

When Toni Topaz wanted something, she was going to get it.

The two of them had been together for almost 8 months now and she still felt just as strongly as she had in the beginning.

Everything about Cheryl was just simply addicting.

Things had progressed decently fast with the two of them but Toni didn’t mind.

Cheryl really knew how to draw a girl in and keep her there.

“Why’re you staring at me?”

Toni’s eyes moved to look Cheryl in the eye with a grin.

“You’re just interesting to look at.”

“Well don’t it’s creepy.”

Cheryl had closed her eyes again but had a smirk on her face as if she was very amused by Toni.

“Whatever you say, love.”

_Wish I didn't need so much of you_

_I hate to say but I do_

“I just wish you weren’t so clingy all the time.”

This statement had been said to Toni more often than she’d care to admit.

Ever since she was a young child she never truly had anyone who consistently took care of and loved her.

Not even her own mom so by the time she was 15 and began dating it was self admittedly far too easy to take advantage of her

His name was Luke and he took everything possible from Toni for 2 years and left her with nothing but the words that fueled her insecurities to this day “I just wish you weren’t so clingy.”

After that Toni made a vow to herself.

She couldn’t be open with people.

She needed to keep a tight barrier around herself and her emotions.

It was better to take care of others and be rejected that way than to allow herself to be taken care of.

She never wanted to have to feel risk that gut-wrenching feeling of someone not needing you as much as you need them.

Then along came Cheryl Blossom with walls built almost as high as Toni’s.

She sledgehammered her way through everything Toni had built up to keep herself safe from getting hurt and somehow made Toni feel comfortable again.

Things with Cheryl were great.

She could open up and rely on someone rather than the other way around like it had been most of her life.

Suddenly Kyle’s words almost completely faded into the background and all she heard was Cheryl’s reassurance.

However, there was always something making her brain do backflips because she felt completely exposed needing and loving someone the way she did Cheryl.

_We're sleeping on our problems like we'll solve them in our dreams_

_We wake up early morning and they're still under the sheets_

Toni knew it was inevitable that’d she’d fuck it all up.

It was what she did best.

So, when she and Cheryl had their first fight she did everything to avoid talking about things because talking about things meant possibly losing Cheryl.

The two of them were laying in silence crammed into Toni’s full bed both of them silently stewing in their thoughts and anger.

Toni had no interest in being the first one to talk to Cheryl about things.

Her parents never talked through any of their problems and the two of them had been married for nearly 22 years.

“Toni, we need to talk about things we can’t just let things go. I want things to work with you but they won’t work if we just ignore everything that goes wrong or we don’t listen to each other.”

“We’ll talk about it in the morning Cheryl,” Toni muttered into her pillow.

Cheryl huffed in frustration and suddenly climbed out of the bed and started to walk out the room.

Toni swallowed the growing lump in her throat “Where are you going?”

“To the living room to sleep. When you decide you actually want to talk about things instead of being stubborn come and talk to me.”

_I'm lost in my head, I'm spinning again_

_Tryna find what to say to you_

Cheryl had only been gone from the room for a few seconds before Toni’s mind went into overdrive.

She knew she needed to deal with things but the issue was knowing what to say.

Cheryl knew nearly everything about Toni but that didn’t make it any easier to talk through insecurities.

She did however need to think of a way to solve the problems they were having and talk to Cheryl.

Ever since she was young Toni never knew the right thing to say, the right way to apologize.

She was always bad with dealing with her own emotions which translated into being bad at dealing with other peoples too.

_Been up all night_

_All night, running all my lines_

_But it's only the truth_

_Been up all night_

_Not sure how to say this right_

_Got so much to lose_

Toni had not been able to fall asleep since Cheryl had left her bedroom and since she had left she had done nothing but overthink how exactly she was going to apologize and talk this through with Cheryl.

So far, her current options were

“It’s nothing to do with you sometimes I just get really insecure about things because I know it’s easier to end things than to actually try to fix issues and I figured if we just never talk about things we won’t have to worry about ending things.”

Or

“Sometimes I get so scared that you’re going to get tired of me and leave because of how scared I am to deal with things because I don’t want you to leave me and this causes me to bottle any issues I have up and then, in turn, have a negative attitude when I have no excuse or reason to.

This was hopeless.

She just needed to get her sorry ass out into the living room and apologize to Cheryl and actually talk about things for once.

So that’s exactly what she did, trying not to think too hard about it Toni left the safety of her bedroom and walked into the living room.

Cheryl was in the kitchen rooting through the fridge looking for something to eat.

“Babe, can we talk now?”

Cheryl startled at Toni’s voice but recovered quickly and turned around to look at her.

She looked exhausted.

“Of course,” Cheryl answered.

Alright, here it goes.

“I need to apologize to you. I’ve been completely unfair these past few days with you and I’m not going to make any excuses but sometimes I get insecure when I see other people completely fawning over you and it’s ridiculous and childish but I just cannot shake this feeling that you’ll somehow find someone better than me.”

_Never been so defenceless_

_You just keep on building up your fences_

_But I've never been so defenceless_

“I would never hold it against you for feeling these things TT but you have to tell me when you do otherwise it just feels like you’re angry and ignoring me without any reason.”

“I know and I’m sorry. From here forward I won’t keep anything from you. I promise.”

_No, you don't have to keep on being strong for me and you_

_Acting like you feel no pain, you know, I know you do_

As the days passed Toni could tell something was weighing on Cheryl’s mind she just wasn’t saying anything about it.

She assumed after her and Cheryl’s conversation that they’d go back to normal without any tension or unsaid words but somehow it felt as if Cheryl was holding something back and for once Toni was determined to talk about things.

After she had ignored Toni most of the day for the 3rd day in a row she decided enough was enough and cornered Cheryl after their cheer practice.

“Why are you ignoring me?”

Cheryl seemed to be taken by surprise by Toni but recovered quickly and continued to shove her things into her bag.

“I’m not dear. I told you I could come over tonight didn’t you get my text?”

After knowing someone for even the short time Toni had known Cheryl she could tell when she was lying or nervous and right now she was both.

“Cut the crap, Cher. What happened to us telling each other things so we don’t feel the other is angry or ignoring us for no reason.”

“I’m not angry at you or ignoring you for any reason I’ve just been busy.”

“Well, you sure as hell could have fooled me.”

_And I can't get inside when you're lost in your pride_

_But you don't have a thing to prove_

“Look I don’t know if you’re trying to prove something by ignoring me and acting like nothing is wrong when obviously you’re upset about something and I hate to throw your words back in your face because I feel like a hypocrite but we need to talk this through. For real this time so let me know when you’re ready, to be honest with me and you’ll receive the same in return.”

_I hope that I'm not asking too much_

_Just wanna be loved by you_

It took Toni 3 days before she finally gave in and went over to Cheryl’s house.

Even though the other girl hadn’t made any effort to reach out to Toni after she had cornered Cheryl in the locker room Toni was still determined to not let this relationship crash and burn because of miscommunication and unspoken words.

Cheryl looked shocked when she opened the door to see Toni.

“Can I come in, please? We seriously need to talk this through Cher. I’m tired of dodging you and letting things just simmer instead of dealing with things.”

Cheryl cleared her throat but opened the door further to invite Toni to come in.

Toni followed Cheryl through the house until they reached her large bedroom and Cheryl motioned for her to sit.

Alright, she might as well just jump straight to the point.

“I think we’re both over complicating things and then being too afraid to deal with what we’ve complicated and it’s putting a huge unnecessary strain on our relationship. This shouldn’t so difficult and it won’t be if we just stop over complicating things. I love you and trust you more than anyone else and all I want in return is the same.”

_And I'm too tired to be tough_

_Just wanna be loved by you_

Toni could almost physically see relief wash over Cheryl.

“I thought you were coming over here to break up with me.” Cheryl took a pause and sighed “You’re right about us over-complicating things though. It felt so easy and simple in the beginning before either of us started trying to keep our true feelings from each other. We’re not treating each other fairly and we need to stop doing that. We need to stop trying to hide from how we’re really feeling and just be honest. You have no idea the things I feel for you and how much I really do love you.”

“So, can we cut the shit and just be honest and open from here on out?” Toni asked biting her lip nervously.

“Yes. We need to sit down tomorrow and have a thorough talk on being honest and open with each other but right now we’re okay.”

Toni reached out her pinky finger and Cheryl raised a curious brow at it.

“We’re pinky promising to actually have that talk tomorrow.”

“Toni we’re 17, not 7.”

“So? A pinky promise is legally binding.”

Cheryl rolled her eyes but still wrapped her pinky around Toni’s.

_Never been so defenceless_

**Author's Note:**

> heyyyy hope you enjoyed!
> 
> I'm kinda getting back into the flow of writing! 
> 
> I apologize if defenceless is spelt wrong at any point but to be completely honest I don't really know how to spell it and google was no help.
> 
> This "walls" series will have 1 fic per song from Louis album (fandoms will vary but it will mostly be Riverdale and stranger things!)
> 
> Anyways!
> 
> [My tumblr](http://www.harryisqu33n.tumblr.com)


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